Diary of an Office Food Pusher

I didn’t start out to be a Food Pusher. I’m really an avid baker, but my fun hobby might be putting my co-workers in an awkward position. Is there a birthday party? I show up with an extra cake. Did a co-worker fix my jammed desk drawer? “You sir, will be paid in cookies!” Does a colleague look a little down in the mouth? “Put some cheesecake in your mouth. You’ll feel better. I baked it myself.”

Here’s the thing, though—I don’t eat it myself. I try one piece to make sure my handiwork tastes good, and then I’m back to my low-fat yogurt and unsweetened green tea. The problem is my co-workers want to be as health conscious as I am—but I’m making it difficult for them.

 

I may have a problem.

I may be the problem.

Food I have actually brought to the office…

Chocolate Sour Cream Fudge-Chocolate Wafer Cheesecake with Chocolate Ganache and White Chocolate Sauce (optional).

This multi-layer dessert is wrong on so many levels. (I think the orange drink in the background is the antidote.)

This multi-layer dessert is wrong on so many levels. (I think the orange drink in the background is the antidote.)

Timpano

Basically, it’s a giant pastry shell full of Italian food—so literally—food stuffed with food.

Fun Fact: This dish weighs in at 22 lbs. and requires 2 dozen eggs.

Fun Fact: This dish weighs in at 22 lbs. and requires 2 dozen eggs. You actually have to cut a cylindrical core from the center to stabilize the structure as you slice the timpano. That’s right, civil engineering is required to serve this dish.

Tortellini Soup

tortellini

Top this with shaved Parmesan, homemade garlic croutons and pine nuts! Two bites and you can skip eating for the rest of the week.

Christmas is a grand occasion for food pushers…

I’m not ruining waistlines. I’m creating holiday memories!

I’m not ruining waistlines. I’m creating holiday memories!

so is Thanksgiving…

"Oh, one piece of pie won't hurt you…"

“Oh, one piece of pie won’t hurt you…”

also Halloween…

"I sprinkled kosher salt on these bad boys. C’mon, try one."

“I sprinkled kosher salt on these bad boys. C’mon, try one.”

and Easter, too.

Easter Cookies3

Anybody starting to see a pattern, here?

How to say No to a food pusher without hurting his or her feelings:

“This looks so good! May I take it home to my family?”

It’s as simple as that. Take food pusher edibles home to your family and tell us later how much they enjoyed them. In fact, tell us how much everybody liked our handiwork via social media. Food pushers LOVE social media. Note: You really don’t have to give it to your family. Once you bring the offending treats home, deciding whether to eat them or not is your call.

Interested in the recipes for any of the food pictured above?

Seek help immediately. You may be a food pusher.